i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
