I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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