i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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