matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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