I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
