the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
