conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
