i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
