You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
