you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
