nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
