I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
