I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
