Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
