why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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