I hate your face
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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