You just made me feel so damn special
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
