do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
