If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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