Me too!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
