You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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