Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
