I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize