i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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