i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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