All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
