I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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