I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
