so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
