you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
