just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
