I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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