i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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