woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
