Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
