Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i came on her dog
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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