My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
