so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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