i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize