and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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