Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
