Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
