96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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