I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
