Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
