so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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