Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
