yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
