I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
