so that wasnt chicken after all
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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