and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
