grandma shit on top of the toilet
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
