your parents love me but you hate me
no you cant smoke seaweed
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
