do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
