Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize