i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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