How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
