everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
