please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Blood and glitter go together right?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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