I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
