weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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