I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
