do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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