My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
